Step 1 Honesty

I have decided that I have an addiction.  I have an addiction to food.  I can't stop eating.  I have gained so much weight.  I know that the problems I feel with my body, fatigue, achy, illness, all of these and more, dry skin.  They are all caused by my over eating.  I want to feel good about myself.  I want to feel happy and healthy.  I decided the only way to get rid of this is to look at it for what it is.  I have an addiction to food.  Hi my name is Shelly and I am a food addict. OK there it is.  My first step.  Admitting I have a problem. 

The first step is Honesty.  So I looked up on the Church's addiction recovery website and found the 12 step program.  So here it goes.

                    Encompassed by Temptations:

• Do you feel encompassed or trapped? Yes
  
   When do you feel this way most often?  I feel it all the time.  I don't feel like I have any control over my ability to stop eating.  I try but the next day I can't do it.
  
• What situations or feelings weakened you so you gave in to your addiction?  Anytime I am asked to lunch, when my husband brings treats in,  but mostly if I feel stressed or upset or had a hard day.  I turn to food for comfort
  
• When Nephi felt overwhelmed, in whom did he place his trust? What can you do to place more trust in the Lord? Fasting and prayer.  I haven't done a very good job with anything spiritually related.  I know that fasting is God's way of helping me to control my desires.  I need to fast more and ask for help
  
   
  I Know That Man Is Nothing:
  
• How did Moses describe himself as compared to God? Nothing.  He is nothing compared to God.
  
• How can a little child be of infinite worth and still be nothing when compared to his or her parents? Children need their parents to learn, grow and succeed.  They can't do it alone.
  
• In what ways are you nothing when you do not have the help of God? I can't accomplish anything of any value without His help.
  
• In what ways are you of infinite worth? I am a daughter of a Heavenly King.  I am royalty.  I am important to Him.  He knows me by name and loves me.  I mean everything to Him.
  
• Write about how recognizing your helplessness to overcome your addiction on your own can bring you to admit your own nothingness and become as a little child.  I have to understand I am nothing without God.  I can't succeed without his help.  I have tried and it doesn't work.  It always comes back.  I need Him to help me. I am nothing without Him.  I need my Father in Heaven to lift my burden to hold me and help me let go of this addiction.
  
  
  Hunger and Thirst:
  
• In these two scriptures, we learn that our souls can hunger. Do you ever feel empty inside, even when you are not physically hungry? What causes that emptiness?  My distance from God causes that feeling.  I haven't made a real effort in a really long time to have Him in my life.
  
• How can your hunger for things of the Spirit help you be more honest? The more I read the closer I get, the more I want .  The more hungry I am.   The more I let Him in the more I will see what needs to be fixed.  
  
  
  
  I am discovering that my lack of honesty with myself and others have lead me here.  I gained the weight when I found out that my husband was addicted to pornography.  He didn't tell me for 17 years.  It was a real struggle for me.  I tried to put his needs ahead of my own to be the good wife.  I lied to myself.  I kept telling myself it didn't bother me.  I wasn't affected by it. But really I was.  I was hurt and upset with him for lying.  In all honesty I still am angry at him.  I have come a long way but it is still there a little.  Really I think it is still there because I still eat.  I have just added more and more reasons onto the beginning reason.  I have to stop this.  I have to reach for His hand.  From this point forward I am not doing this alone.  I can't lie to myself anymore.  This problem is bigger than me.  I need help.