PWR

Today in relief society we had a lesson on Power goals. PWR means Pray, Write, Read. Pray everyday, Write in my journal everyday, Read everyday. I am really trying to implement this. I have been awful at writing. I have tried the once a week thing and once a month and once a year. It doesn't work. Now I am working on everyday. Rachel Cox gave the lesson and said that she just started this 2 months ago and has been amazed at the blessing it turned into to do this. So here it goes. Recently I was diagnosed with Lupus. In June of 2016 I started to feel tired all the time. So tired I started to become a hermit. I didn't understand what was happening but I tried to deal with it as best I could. I saw several doctors about it. I couldn't get any answers. One said it was Epstein Barr. I thought it might be MS. I had hundreds of tests run and blood taken. I changed doctors several times with no answers. I felt like one doctor would just pass me to another. I was frustrated. I couldn't stay awake, drive, walk across the room. I never went downstairs because coming back up was impossible. I would literally have to take a nap after walking up the stairs. I have struggled with no answers for about 6 months till one doctor finally said I had Lupus. All the pieces fell into place at that moment. I have been put on medication to help with the symptoms. It is definitely better but not all the way. It is now March of 2017 and I am still dealing with the fatigue and the winded feeling when walking too much.
 On Friday last week I went in for some more tests. A pulmonary function test and a Echo Cardiogram. Both looking for problems with my lungs and heart. I am hoping they find something so maybe it can be fixed so I can finally feel normal. I have 2 friends that have been such a huge support during this. Allison and Hillary both have stuck by me the entire time. Hillary has even been to the Dr. with me several times.  I am really grateful to have both of them.  My ward family has been great also.  They have provided dinners and help anywhere I have needed it.  I couldn't have gotten through without them.  My family has been absent.  I don't totally understand it.  I know they love me but I have needed so much help and no one came.  My mom did bring dinners once in the summer but after that she never really even checked in.  I know this is kind of her but I have needed so much.  I moved close to her to get the help and I didn't get any. My sisters haven't called to check in at all and there was a huge fight at Bear Lake about my room and they wanted me to give it up to the younger kids. I wouldn't do it because I was sick first of all and I was sensitive to heat and sound.  Any other room had problems with one of the symptoms I was dealing with.  Everyone was mad at me for not giving up my room.  I spent almost the entire trip sleeping in my room.  I was the only one that needed to be comfortable.  At Christmas Katie and I had a fight and she said some really hurtful things about me and my family.  That was the last time I have really seen my family.  I want to fix the problems between us but I feel the Lord is working on this and that right now I need to be patient.  So that is what I am doing.  My sisters have tried to contact me and maybe try to fix this but my mom wont do it and she is part of this.  She doesn't want to admit it but she has me in the middle of problems with at least 2 of my sisters.  This can't be resolved without her. So the Lord has told me to wait.  I pray about this problem all the time.  I still feel like I am supposed to wait.  So this is what I am doing.  I hope this is resolved soon.  What I want is for this to bring us closer together as a family and put us in a position where our problems are easier to solve because we are talking more.  I miss my sisters but I know the Lord has this one.

My life in a nut shell. Lupus and my new normal.