Alone

I had to report my friend to DCFS on Saturday.  I agonized over the decision for a week before getting the answer I hoped I wouldn't get. I have cried and prayed and gone to the temple about it I even contacted Justin Pitcher first counselor in the stake presidency.  He helped me to make the decision to go ahead.  I hoped that I would be able to do it completely annonymous but the Bishop was told and he told Allison someone called.  She knew it had to be in the neighborhood and then she talked to the case worker and knew at that point that the person who reported her would have to know her well in order to do it.  The details they had would need to come from a friend.  I don't know if she knows yet but she will.  Very very soon.  I don't know if she will even confront me or if she will just quietly exclude me from her life.  I just know I will be.  I had to give up my other friend too.  Hillary will need to support her but she can't do that if she is supporting me too.  She can't talk and be trusted by Allison if she is talking to me.  Allison wont feel like she can trust Hillary if she is running and talking to me at all.

I have to do this alone.  That is the scariest word I have ever had to deal with.  I hate alone.  I am scared of alone.  I was told in my blessing that I have been prepared for this moment.  That I will be ok with being alone.  That I will find peace.  I hope so because I have never liked being alone.  I love my friends and have been so blessed in coming to this neighborhood.  I have been so happy but I am wondering if my time here is going to come to an end.  I hope this blows over but I don't know if it will.