My Journal

So I haven't been very good over the last couple of years keeping this going.  I haven't been good at a journal either.  I decided I needed to combine the efforts.  So from this point forward I am going to keep this going as my journal.  I am doing this for me and for my family to truly know who I am.  I have read several times how important it is to keep a journal so that my children and grandchildren can know me.  So here it goes.

We moved back home from Missouri on June 1st 2014.  I can honestly say I am so happy.  I was so unhappy in Missouri.  I didn't feel like I had any close friends.  The ward was nice and people rallied when there was a crisis but outside of that they just didn't take the time to know anyone.  I tried to be happy about being there but I just wasn't.  Every time I came home I struggled when I had to go back.  I loved the town I lived in.  It was beautiful but the people were hard.  My neighbors never knew my name and didn't care to.  My children struggled to make friends.  The kids in the circle hated them and wouldn't play with them.  It was probably the most lonely and difficult time in my life.  I feel like I lost myself.  I went out there a confident, outgoing person eager to make friends.  By the time we moved I was depressed, full of anxiety, and scared to even make a phone call.

I do feel like I learned a lot.  It is important to see the needs of others.  All of them.  Talk to everyone.  Find out who they are and what makes them happy.  I learned what kind of a friend I need to be to others based on the kind of friend I want.  I learned how lonely it can be without a friend and how it feels to be left out. I learned that a friend is never too busy to help when someone needs it.  I learned how important family is.  I struggled in my marriage and was almost to the point of break up.  I learned to love my husband again and learned how very grateful I am to have him.  I learned what my children need.  I learned the areas I am not doing so well as a parent.  I learned how to be a better me.  I kind of feel like Missouri was like a boot camp for me.  It stripped me down of all the bad and week stuff so now I can rebuild and be stronger than ever.  This is my moment to shine.  This is my moment to become a better person.  To serve the Lord. To enjoy my life.  To think of others and see their needs.  I plan to get back all the good parts of me and add to them.  I am so happy to be back in Utah.  I feel more confident.  I love this ward.  I love my neighborhood.  My kids play outside everyday.  The leave in the morning and don't come back until dinner.  They are so happy.  I don't think I have ever seen them this happy ever.  Dominick is scratched up and bruised and I love it.  He is learning how much fun life can be. Holland has a new friend everyday.  She is always outside which is a huge change.  She never wanted to play outside in Missouri.  So many great things have happened since we moved.  So many blessings and to see the smile on my little ones faces makes everything worth it.

We have had a few problems since we moved in.  A week before closing our financing fell apart. We were devastated.  We struggled to understand how we could feel so right about this house and have all of it fall apart right before it was to become ours.  We talked the owners into letting us rent until the end of the summer.  So here we are.  A week after we moved in something happened with the sprinklers and the flooded our basement and the basement of the house next door.  We had to call the owners and it was put on their insurance and is in the process of being fixed.  I am living in a construction zone right now.  Brittin doesn't have a room and the wall down stairs is torn apart and patched.  Next week all work should be done.  Brittin should have a room again.  I should be able to finish unpacking and really start making this house ours.  I see the wisdom in all of this now.  If we had bought the house we would have had to pay for all of this and the insurance company would have dropped us.  Financially this could have devastated us.  I am so grateful that the Lord is in the drivers seat on this one.  This home is truly a blessing.  It has some problems and things that need repairing but it has everything I have ever wanted in a house.  It is my dream home. (minus the backyard) super small backyard.  Nice thing in trade is we have a park across the street.  That makes up for the backyard.  There is a splash pad close by that my kids love.  We had a massive 4th of July block party last night that was so much fun.  I met so many people and really talked to neighbors for the first time in 6 years.  I feel so happy here.  I can see my Mom anytime I want.  I am apart of the sister lunches and get togethers.  I love being home. I have a closer relationship with my parents due to this experience.  I am so grateful for that.  I love them so much and I am so grateful to be home.