Still trying

I am not doing really great on my new years resolutions.  So starting again.  I want so much to be successful but I guess for me it is going to take a little more effort.  So here is to still trying.

Lately I have been very upset.  Melissa has been pulling away from family.  I feel like she has been pulling away from me most.  I feel like she is mad at me because I have things she doesn't.  I don't see it that way, but that is how I feel.  She seems angry that she has to work.  She seems angry that I am home doing what I love.  Taking care of my kids.  I have always wanted to be home.  I hate working and really have no intention of ever going back.  I feel like my life is here.  I don't want to be gone.  I want to be home so that when Chloe is married and has children she will come here to.  It makes me happy to be home and I don't want that to change.

I have spent time in prayer about all of this and I am trying to separate my emotions from it.  I am taking it too personally.  So I fasted about it today and I am really trying to find ways to let Melissa know I care about her and want her around without letting myself get to involved emotionally.  I am concerned about Bear Lake but I guess that is where getting myself spiritually centered comes in.

I went to the Temple the other day.  I did inititories.  I really enjoy doing it.  I had forgotten all of the wonderful blessings.  I really learn more each time I go.  I am trying to find time every week to go.  Kind of a struggle.  I thought it would be so easy when Chloe started this half of the year but it hasn't worked out that slick.  I am not going to give up though.  I know I need it and I love how I feel when I am there.  I feel like because Satin is stuck outside I can breath.  It is so nice not to have him in my head during that time.  I can really think through things and making decisions is so much easier.

So this past week has been Spring Break.  I love Easter.  This year we decided to do Jesus baskets.  I decided instead of all the presents we would do baskets that would have more Christ centered stuff in it.  We couldn't afford to do much this year but I found so key chains and necklaces and a pin that were all Centered around the Gospel.  The kids seemed to really like it.  I am hoping next year to do something a little bigger but I am so happy with what I found.

Easter was really fun with Dallin.  He was so animated.  He loved looking for the eggs and when he found them he came running to show me.  Then he would say I go find more.  It was so fun. I love that boy.  He just completes our family.

I have to close with my testimony.  I want my children to know it.  I want them to understand that I love this Gospel.  I am truly grateful to have it in my life.  I am so grateful that I grew up with it.  I have never in my life been without it.  I am so grateful for my Savior.  I am grateful for what he did for me.  I get to be with my family forever!  That is such a great gift!  I am so grateful to be home in Utah.  I am grateful to have my parents.  They are such wonderful people and I am grateful for my time apart from them because now I see them so differently.  They are amazing people and I love them so much.  I pray for my family and I am grateful to know that my Father in Heaven hears and answers my prayers.  We can talk to Him!  He loved us so much he gave us prayer and a member of the Godhead to be with us everyday.  I am so grateful and blessed.  I love my Savior.  I love my husband and my children.  I pray that I can be the Mom they deserve.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ Amen