Boundaries

Life has gone down a road that I never saw coming. After the "family meeting" I actually felt guilty feeling hurt.  I started counseling and that has been amazing.  Lori has helped me so much.  She has helped me see that my family is very dysfunctional.  Through a lot of prayer and study I have decided I need to cut my family out of my life.  It is a hard decision to do this but I feel peace.  I have had a lot of tender mercies since then that have let me know I am doing the right thing. I am reading revelations in the Bible.  I have a book that is helping me to understand it. The next morning I was reading and this stood out.

Christ as the Lion depicts one who has power over all creatures and is a majestic, fearless king (as a lion is "king of the beasts) who possesses great strength. In this context the title is especially appropriate, because just as a lion prevails over other creatures, so Christ "prevailed to open the book" with seven seals (or according to RSV, Christ "has conquered, so that he can open the scroll and its seven seals")

Understanding the Book of Revelation

Jay A. Perry, Donald A. Parry

pg.69

This passage made me cry.  I felt like Christ was talking to me telling me I am a lion.  I possess great strength, majestic and fearless.  I needed that because after the meeting I felt 2 inches tall and felt I needed to change everything about myself to please my family.  My counselor has helped me see that this isn't a healthy environment and that I need to keep myself and my children away from them.  Chloe made her own decision months ago that this isn't family. She doesn't want anything to do with any of them.  Brittin still wants to go but wont go alone.  I won't let Holland go mostly because I feel she will somehow end up being the recipient of all of this.  They will project their irritation on her and I wont be there to stop it.  I would let the boys go but I can't let them and not Holland, so we are all staying away.  

Hillary sent me this shortly after all of this.  We read scriptures to and send what we learned to each other.  The night before this came I asked God in my prayers to help me have the strength to do this.  I pleaded with him to help me know how to do this.  I am cutting my family out of my life.  This isn't a normal thing people do.  I kept saying how am I going to be able to do this. This was an answer to prayer.

Saul has the spirit of the devil with him and is full of  jealously and hate. David has the spirit of God with him and through the power of God he is able to do all that he needs to, including using his sling shot to kill Goliath. David was trying to follow the will of God. As we strive to follow the gospel and listen to the spirit as to what the Lord needs us to do, we can also be blessed to have the strength and power to do what we need to.

I have been reading a book called boundaries that my counselor has requested I read.  I have learned a lot about the need to set boundaries.  It warns that my family will get crazy when this happens and that I need to be prepared.  Right now my boundaries are no contact with most of my family.  I have blocked 2 sisters completely from my life.  Limited contact with Mel.  Really I think it will go to no contact with my mom but right now it is limited.  After making that decision I had a week of energy and feeling light.  I felt great.  All reality has set in now and I know the day will come that I will have to deal with this head on.  Not looking forward to that at all.  I feel the Lord is holding that back until I am ready though.  I know he is with me.

I do wonder something though.  In my blessing it tells me to take my children to see my parents often. It will be a strengthening bond in my family.  I am not sure how this fits into what the Lord is telling me.  I am still working on that one.