Mom on the war path

Today my mom sent a message through messenger on facebook to all my siblings discussing our family trip to Disney World next year in the fall.  She wanted to change the date from fall to spring because it will be easier with school.  I am not sure I am understanding how that makes it easier. Whatever.  We wont be going anyway.  I removed myself from the group because I hate seeing everyone pretend that everything is OK when it isn't.  It hurts. Right now I want to curl up and cry but I can't because it will upset my kids.  Shawn isn't home to hug me.

Anyway my mom immediately sent me a message telling me that they would decide without me.  I told her I am not texting family anymore and she will have to call if she wants to talk to me.  She said fine someone will call you when we decide.  I don't understand how she can plan a trip with the family with all of this drama going on and not feel a need to solve it.  It is absolutely amazing to me.  Now that I am separating myself so many things are catching my attention.  I just don't get any of this.  Does she love at all? How do you completely ignore the problem in your family and continue to plan a family vacation.  Unbelievable.

We had already decided that we wont be going on the vacation with my family.  Instead we will plan a trip with our children on our own.  I am not sure how it will work out yet but I know that the Lord has given me tender mercies up to this point.  I know He will help me put together a trip that will make my family happy.  This year we are planning a cruise.  The kids don't know, well the younger ones don't know.  We figured this would be a good trip for all of us since I am not sure how I will do health wise.  This is a good sitting trip for me.  I guess I just need to let go.  That is proving difficult right now.  The boundaries are new and family is just starting to find out.  They are going to be mad and lash out but they are there.

I am so grateful that I have Shawn.  He has been a huge help to me.  I know he supports me. I know he loves me.  I am truly grateful to have him by my side.